..As I’m digging and pressing into Jesus, my heart is breaking more and more. The past few weeks; the burden on my heart has been overwhelming and beautiful..
Up until September of last year, I had lost focus of the things that meant everything to me. Through growing up my heart changed, I changed. I valued success, CONTROL of my life, status, image. I didn’t want to be in the spotlight, but I was living a life I thought was okay to live.
Last year was eye opening to say the least.
I bought a house. Four months later, I lost my job. Something that had been so important to me. The thing that I had worked so hard for, because other things became more important. I was drowning in selfishness. Not a selfishness of not doing for others, a selfishness of subconsciously thinking that I was more important than Jesus.
Come September, everything in my life that I had held together for the past 3 years, completely fell apart. EVERYTHING CAME CRASHING DOWN AROUND ME. My heart is my gift, through all of the disappointments; torn family, BROKEN RELATIONSHIP, feeling like a failure, loss, LONELINESS, and just everything that I had held in for a long time. I BROKE. I literally fell to my knees and prayed, repented, asked God to forgive me for everything, especially for not letting go of the control that I loved so much.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful for everything that I learned in 2015.
“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”
Fast forward four months.
As February comes, I’m sitting here reflecting, breathing, embracing. Thinking about the specific people placed in my life to pour into me, the people that I’m pouring into, helping with the youth group, loving on leaders, my small group, sharing life with friends, consistently chasing and choosing Jesus in every decision that I make. I’m stoked to have the opportunity to move to Columbia SC and take part in the Residency at Midtown. I’m amazed at what Jesus is doing in the lives of those around me, and what He is doing in my life as well.
As I’m digging and pressing into Jesus, my heart is breaking more and more. The past few weeks; the burden on my heart has been overwhelming and beautiful. I’m realizing just how important every moment is. I’ve finally answered the “Why?” I’m full of joy and excitement. Thank you for walking with me through this season.